The boys are used to watching shows streaming on amazon or Netflix. If things take a second to start, we tell them, "Be patient, it's loading."

Tonight we were doing our bedtime routine, which includes singing two or three songs. Théoden requested "Blessed Assurance" and Adam asked him if he wanted to start singing.

We sat there for about thirty seconds and Adam prompted, "Théoden?"

Théoden answered, "It's loading?"

The boys were talking about Adam's hair and beard this morning while munching on hashbrowns. Adam decided to introduce a concept (growth) and I think it went in a different direction than we were expecting.

Adam: Baby Lucy has hair. She didn't when she was born and now she does.

Sam: (incredulous) Lucy was born?

Adam: Yes.

Sam: Like baby Jesus?

Adam: Yes! And so were you.

Sam: (with an "I know you're joking" giggle) No!

My biggest frustration! This is part of the homeschool blog hop I'm doing with several other lovely ladies. Check the end of the post for links to their blogs! I'm posting rather late in the day, but writing anyway!

I feel, unfortunately, like I'm an easily frustrated person in some regards, so this list could be long for me. It's hard for me to quantify levels of frustration to determine "biggest." So, maybe instead of that, I will go over a couple frustrations that seem to take turns being the biggest, dependent on mood and day. Feel free to share this with family/friends who keep asking you about homeschooling, by the way, heh.

Let's go into this list with a few things understood, just in case this is the first blog post of mine you're reading. First, I was homeschooled from third grade through high school. I "was" a homeschooler before I was a homeschool "teacher." I have three kids and they're all two or under, so our "school" right now is super basic stuff. I'm not dealing with algebra or science fairs or SAT prep yet. Also, I talk to people about homeschooling a lot and I grew up in a decently supportive church community, but in a time when there were only a few of us and we were still by-and-large considered mostly weird. Some of (not all!) that stigma is fading a bit in this particular area, partly because it's a lot easier to find lots of other homeschoolers to talk to. Anyway, my family and few homeschooling friends were a curiosity to people, which meant I spent a lot of time talking exactly about what I did.

Let's just call this confessions of a homeschooler and use that previous paragraph to segway into this list:

1. I understand that you're curious, but I am not being homeschooled because I am (a) a genius or (b) too stupid for "normal" school. Please ask me how I do school or what my day is like, but please don't (a) pop-quiz me to make sure I can read or (b) assume that you must seem stupid to me because I'm too smart for you. Also, this same grace for my kids, please, now that I'm the mom instead of the student.

Here's the thing: my parents care a lot about me. And even if you've met that one weird family that didn't seem to feel like actually educating their kids was important, that's not very common. It was really important to my parents that I do well in school. It's important to me that my kids are learning. And in addition to that, there actually are oversight laws in place, so someone outside my family is keeping tabs on my year-end test grades or my work portfolio.

And homeschool doesn't and will not cover all bases at once or the same pace. Public and private schools don't either. It's not perfect, but that doesn't mean it's terrible.

That said, I think there's a growing understanding that homeschooling works and that it has a real educational value. Which leads into the other half of this frustration, which is the pendulum swing ("Oh, you aren't stupid, so you must be crazy-smart").

Maybe I am smart. I'd like to think so. I love learning. I love talking to people. But you know what? I hated math when I was younger. I don't mind it now and would like to get better at it, but as of this moment, I'm pretty terrible at algebra or anything past basic geometry. I just am. This was not a homeschool thing. This was a me thing. Science is not my strong point, despite having two parents that loved math and science and taught it pretty well, as evidenced by the success my siblings have had in the same fields I disliked.

And in high school this assumption was especially frustrating. I had friends that would cut themselves off from entire conversations with me because they "weren't homeschooled" or "didn't get it." And you know what? Darn it, I don't get it either, and that's why I want to talk about it. Homeschoolers need some breathing room to not be THE BEST AT EVERYTHING just because they're excited about stuff. Give your kids that space. Give your grandkids that space. Give your neighbors that space. Please.

2. Comparison. A few other of the blog hop moms wrote about this and it's so true. When I compare myself to what other moms of preschoolers are doing, I feel inadequate regardless of how well my kids are doing. I'm not spending too much time on this point because others have written about it so well and because for the purposes of this post, it's pretty self-explanatory.

3. Being with my kids all day.

Not gonna lie. Being with toddlers all day is exhausting sometimes. I'm there for every fit, every meltdown, everything. They throw stuff out of my grocery cart. They stare at my pee in the toilet and talk about it. They scream when I tell them they can't play my iPod. I want to let them help me make dinner and they want to help me make dinner but they keep licking the measuring spoons and trying to stir this raw chicken with the whisk while I'm cutting it.

I hesitated to put this point on here because some people might misunderstand and think I feel trapped at home. I don't. I love being with my kids all day. I love being here to read to them, to talk to them, to be present for so much of them learning and exploring and hearing stuff they say to their toy animals like, "Hi, owl. Owl, you have eyes. Are you sad? Why you sad? You have eyes. You have wings. You can fly! Owl you can fly!"

But there are moments when I want to get away for a bit. And I think that's okay to admit. A lot of times, it means that I actually need sleep or more time with God and not really a chance to do whatever I want. That's not realistic even if my kids aren't around.

I love my kids. And there are moments in my rough days when I don't want to be around them for a while. I'm homeschooling because my husband and I decided together that it was the best thing for us and not because I am a saint, because I have unlimited patience, because my kids never get on my nerves and that's how I manage, because I've figured it all out already. Talk to any homeschooler long enough, and you'll eventually hear that every single parent has uttered some variation of, "THE BUS WILL PICK YOU UP IN THE MORNING I AM DONE."

What we're really saying is: I'm tired. You are being difficult. I am probably being difficult. We are frustrated. We will figure this out by the grace of God. I still love you but I am still learning how to love.

4. Self.

Oh, flesh. I hate you. You sweet-talk me into doing things for myself that I "deserve" and they are not what I really need or want and before I know it, I'm standing in Eden with that fruit in my hand, torn between still enjoying the taste in my mouth and the sinking feeling in my gut that God is going to show up for our walk soon, calling, "Adam, where are you?"

5. Expectations.

This is maybe also wrapped up in point one, but I guess I think of that point more in relation to my own experience as a homeschooled student interacting with others and this one is more about my life as a mom interacting with my kids. It's hard to find a balance for what I should expect of my kids. It's difficult to sort out all the "should" and "shouldn'ts" for where they actually are and where they "need" to be.

They should be able to, they should know better than to, they should, they should, they should.

Here is the thing that is hard to remember: I should expect them to grow and I shouldn't expect them to do so in a way that doesn't surprise or challenge me.

I was laughing with a friend the other day about the ridiculousness of yelling "STOP YELLING" at your kids. And I think that rule can be applied to just about anything. If it's taken me this long to figure out basic stuff and I'm still working on things like "do not speak harshly when upset," then my expectations for my kids' behavior and learning pace should be full of grace. Parents have a natural desire to see their kids do "better" than them. This can be healthy. But doing "better" isn't going to be achieved by lots of moaning about where they "should" be instead of figuring out the wisest way to handle where they actually are.

Here is an Occam's Razor for learning challenges and using therapy or extra time to help a child, one I'm learning is still true for my husband and I as well:

If it helps, it helps. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

No shoulds about it.

(Wow this post is already super long.)

6. How easy it is for me to be consumed by homeschooling.

Homeschooling is something I do. It is a big part of my life and I love it. As previously mentioned, I love learning. But it is all too easy to be consumed by the label. It is not my life, it is not my salvation, it is not the entirety of my identity.

I am a follower of Christ. I am also a wife. A mom. A sister. A friend. A witness.

The burden of my children's education in both the faith and academics is such a great one at times that it is hard to stop poring over curriculums and schedules and discussing things and talking about it and step back from it and remember the other parts of my life and not feel guilty for remembering that.

Homeschooling, in some small ways, is to life with your kids as a wedding is to marriage. (Note: I said some small ways. I like analogies I have to fight for.) Under the pressure of getting things "just right," it's easy to get caught up in micromanaging all the details until you get to the day after the wedding and realize that your entire relationship with yourself and your spouse and your life had become wrapped up in that one thing and you're not really sure who you are anymore and don't know what to talk about if it's not math worksheets or what the kids learned today.

Balance. Balance has been a theme here, I guess. I want balance in how I am perceived. I need balance in looking to others as inspiration and looking at them as measuring sticks. I need balance in how I view my kids, the time I spend in preparation.

You know what's easy to balance?

A yoke that isn't heavy. A lot of times, I need to take a deep breath and stop focusing on my frustration.

Matthew 11:28-30:

"'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'"

Check out the other blogs! Here:

Sam's first joke, told today:

Sam: Knock-knock.
Me: Who's there?
Sam: Can who.
Me: Can who who?
Sam: It's a message. It's a bear and it's silly.

*

Things I am sad/amused we have had to have conversations about or establish:

"No eating poop?"

"Don't pee on dogs?"

"It's not poop? It's chicken?"

*

I'm on my iPod writing this as we wrap up breakfast but I'm going to try to post some pictures later today. I just thought I'd catch everyone up on what the hot topics are in the Simmons' household.

Curriculum so far: None, heh.

Style: Booooooooks.

Honestly, though, right now, I'm at the very beginning of homeschooling my own kids, so our curriculum is the library, plus a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. We also do a Bible study with some colorful topic flashcards and I'm getting ready to add poetry, but this will just be me reading a poem I pick from online or one of the many books of poetry we have around the house (one of my favorites is the Oxford Book of Christian Verse, but I don't think our copy is the "new" one).

I grew up with Sonlight for most of my school life and I loved it. It had lots of books and plenty of assignments, but very little "textbook" work (I mean, aside from math and science). I've thought for a long time that once my kids are old enough, we'd just start using Sonlight but I'm starting to consider other options just out of curiosity. I'm definitely looking at different options for PreK-- everything from Timberdoodle's hands-on package, which I hear is great for boys (Charli mentions this in her post, I do believe), to Before Five in a Row, which uses a lot of books.

Sonlight really worked for me but I'm willing to consider other things depending on how my kids learn. I'm researching a lot of different math curriculums-- one thing I hated when I was growing up was Saxon math. I think there are a lot more options geared toward homeschoolers now.

I think style-wise, I'd say I'm confident? Perhaps too much so? I like schedules and I don't stress about adapting pre-written schedules to fit my family (like with Sonlight), but my confidence has gotten me in trouble in the past when my response to a curriculum need is, "I'll just write this myself!" I tend to lack follow-through (sometimes because I get bored, other times because I underestimate the scope of the actual project; that said, getting books on sale is awesome, but please don't complain about $100 comprehensive instructor's guides-- that's so many hours of work right there).

Irony: Previous paragraph was about feeling confident, but started with two questions. Verbally, those would have been uptalking, ha.

Anyway, I've written curriculums for classes I've taught, for myself in high school, and helped adapt curriculum for siblings. And I've learned that while I love to write curriculum and schedules, I need to have a rule for my own kids in the future: If it's not finished by the beginning of the fall that we need it, I buy something. I'm avoiding the "starting a curriculum that's only half-finished" quicksand, because I know we'll suffer for it halfway through the year.

Also, I should note, I like the idea of arts and crafts, but I know the thing that already is hard for me and will be in the future is incorporating "messy" activities to go with our theme/subject. Legos: I'm fine. Watching a movie: Awesome! Anything with glue: ugh it will be everywhere and i will have to clean it never miiiiind.

But that sort of stuff is good for my kids, so I'll just have to get over it, even if we don't do stuff like that as often as "crafty" moms.

As for worries about sticking with schedules, here's the thing. I'm working on sticking to my cleaning schedule. Discipline is something I'm still working on. Because of that, I know I'll be tempted to just take days off for no reason or because we're busy with other stuff, but I also know that I love knowing we're doing what's best for our kids. When they were tiny, I worried I'd lack the follow-through to brush their teeth every night, but you know what? I do. I also feed them meals three times a day whether or not I feel like cooking. So I know that, by the grace of God, whether or not we feel like doing school, it will happen because it has to.

So, simple arts and craft suggestions, anyone? Pinterest overwhelms me and/or makes me just want dessert.

*For local readers:  On Saturday, April 27 from 10am-12pm, we blog hoppers will be hosting a question and answer session at Trinity Assembly of God, Fairmont, WV. Email/comment to let me know if you want more details!

This is the third post in a month-long Tuesday/Thursday series about homeschooling that I'm doing with a group of other moms who blog.

So, first of all, this post might be a little disorganized. It's 11:01pm at the start of writing and we've had a busy (good kind of busy!) day and I'm just now getting around to typing up some thoughts on this.

A lot of the moms in this blog hop started today's posts (privilege of late writing: I read everyone else's stuff first, ha) with something along the lines of, "I never thought I'd homeschool," or "I had no idea what it was," and followed with, "God told me to," or "God changed my heart."

I thank God for those Abrahams of a generation before me, called out of Haran and the land of the Chaldeans. That step away from the familiar into the unknown was one that paved the way for people like me, who might receive similarly crazy-sounding calls to something else at some point, built on the foundation of the steps of faith before.

I'm, I think, officially the youngest member of this particular blog hop. My kids aren't even technically old enough for "regular" preschool, but I already know we're homeschooling when they are. We already "do school" every day. And I was homeschooled.

I went to public school and then did half a year of private school and then after second grade, never went back. I've since finished college, for those of you wondering if that's still an option for homeschooled-through-high school kids.

My husband was homeschooled for all but half of a second grade year and high school. We come from a tradition of homeschooling and that makes it something more comfortable and less scary for us, I suppose. We've still seriously considered real reasons to homeschool beyond the fact that it is familiar, but I know neither of us have had to struggle through the decision to do something we never thought we'd do when it came to homeschooling our kids.

Because it's late and I'm tired and can always write more later, I will give a brief overview of reasons we are homeschooling (please remind me if you're interested in these further and I will write more/find links for you):

• To have the time to instill a Biblical foundation in our kids
• To give our kids even more opportunity to see us live our faith and learn to love each other
• The American school system is, as a whole, academically failing our nation's children
• Bullying isn't something you should "learn" to "live with"
• To help our kids spend time with what they love to do
• The 8-3 "at a desk" model of education is physically unhealthy

Clockwise, from top left:

Lorrie @ Life and Lessons Learned, Selena at Campbell Clan, Kathleen @ Positive Adoption,

Audrey @ Everything Beautiful, Charli @ WV Urban Hippies, Tracey @ Building My House, and Maria @ The Joyfully Frugal Home 

Plus, we've added a new blogger! Check out Jessica @ Redeeming the Home !